Saturday, October 20, 2007
I'm in work mode. I've cut down my emailing, stopped going to the market (Husband: "Can I pick up anything for you at the market on the way home?" Me: "a gallon of milk, some lettuce, tomatoes, celery, two loaves of bread, some cereal, fake meat, and about six ready-made salads from the kosher deli...")
In other words, I'm almost copping out of everything. Well, I did the laundry this week, and even ironed shirts (YUCK!) and of course I go to the gym (except--major confession! I stayed up till 3:30 am Thursday night working and just couldn't drag myself to the gym Friday!! I felt like a SHLUB!!) I've stopped allowing myself to hit Target for fun. I barely clean up the kitchen. I'm in WORK MODE.
The good thing is that it's rather fun. I'm doing a project that requires me to learn lots of US History, and, despite advanced college degrees, I'll admit I was "historically challenged." But now--not so much. I have found wonderful articles on the NY Times website archives--articles from the 1860s written in a stilted third-person style. I've read several books a day, and put several on "hold" from the library--and then actually picked them up.
However, I am frustrated, because I'm supposed to write at least 30 pages a week, and, given my lack of history knowledge, and need to read so much source material, it's taking me longer. Which gets me in trouble. Which makes me stressed, and...oh agony--causes me to want to run away and procrastinate.
I procrastinate by continuing with my normal routine. I take lots of Jewish classes, and I should just pass on them. What? Two of them are held at MY HOUSE?? No, gotta keep those. That means I have to CLEAN my house; put out refreshments and clean up afterward. And I can't miss the other classes because the rabbis would notice I wasn't there. One of the teachers is the rabbi of my synagogue; one time I missed a class and he boomed in front of the hundred people at kiddush, "Where WERE you last Monday night? I missed you!" Aarrggghh.
Does life go on when you're on a deadline? Are the events of normality (classes, gym) worth the stress they cause? Why am I writing in my BLOG when I could be working???