Monday, February 26, 2007

The Oscars: Too Gorey for me

I really didn't want to, but I broke down and watched all but the first half-hour of the Oscars. It was one of those times like eating a whole bag of cookies. You hate yourself for doing it, but you can't stop.
This was a particularly stupid time-waster for me as I have a huge deadline, I never go to movies, and I don't even own a TV. But my son had procured a ten-inch-diameter set, jiggled and prodded the aerial so there was a ghostly, snowy image, and propped it at the foot of his bed. I ended up sitting on the floor, scrutinizing all the non-lesbian presenters' dresses.
I don't need to go into a blow-by-blow of the interminable evening's proceedings. My quick thoughts are that Ellen deGeneres was unnecessary and worse, unfunny, the musical numbers were bland, the acceptance speeches mediocre, the Italian composer could have learned how to say his piece in English, and the American montage was just plain anti-American, offering one hateful aspect of history after another with not a moment's tribute to the glory, the beauty, or the godliness of this land for balance.
But there was one aspect of the show that made me smile: Al Gore. The sappy gushing about how endlessly inspiring that man is--all three-hundred mafia-esque pounds of him--alternately made me guffaw and wonder if the Academy was even dumber than I'd suspected.
"It's not a Republican or Democratic issue--it's a MORAL issue!" Global warming. Say it fast three times and you can sound like a frog. Are those who see a longer, broader history to the earth's cyclical warming and cooling immoral? Or, as I believe--is Al Gore and his tearful ilk ARROGANT?

Ever get one of those awesome, ubiquitous emails showing the earth from outer space? From space in daylight, there is no evidence of man. We are so small, and so insignificant, each one of us minuscule as a grain of sand, and less enduring. Yes, humans have made local, minor impact on the topography. But given the vastness of the seas, and the relatively small amount of land we inhabit--and how we are so subject to climatic forces we can't control--HOW DARE AL GORE believe he or we are so powerful as to cause the temperature of the earth to change?

Hey Al, what about the SUN? Think the sun has any impact? If you're so smart, I wish you'd come to Seattle and start predicting the weather, cuz the guys we've got now sure can't do a very good job! Just when I think I won't have to wear my thermal underwear, oops, another cold front! Maybe you can tell me how a caravan of Priuses can bring a little MORE global warming into OUR vicinity??? Remember, I'm searching for bright light...and from all the hoopla on the Oscars over Al Gore last night, it's clear all his groupies are a bunch of dim bulbs.


  1. Ho ho ho - ya got my ditto on all dem deftly-woven phrases, Bright! This Oscar-cast was best watched with TIVO-vision handy - zaaaap and fastforward to the max. Contrary to popular opinion, I thought the shadow-mimes were the most creative thing about the whole show, sho'nuff. A waste of 4 hrs. and whose bright idea was it to have Ellen G. vacuuming and posing? Dumb. And I got a big yuck about the Gore luv fest too, he sure was capitalizing on his 15 mini-minutes of limelight. Somebody should light a fire under him and warm his, glutes?

  2. Plus, it's hilarious coming from a man whose house using approximately 20x the electricity of a normal house... :)

  3. Ezzie,
    Thanks for listening...I chuckled at that today, too. I decided our Purim seuda is going to have the theme of Global Warming; I'm looking for Al Gore masks for all our guests!

    And Doubletee, I agree the shadow mimes were cool. Too bad their acrobatics lasted about a sixtieth the time of the Best Song croons.